Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Good weekend. I had a really good weekend. On Saturday I had fire extinguisher training with my work and got to put out a fire! Which was ridiculously exciting! Then most of us went out to eat after, which was nice. Then I had a few hours to relax before having a wonderful 3 hour coffee date with my very good friend Mrs. Jackson whose husband comes back from overseas tomorrow!! Very excited for her!

On Sunday I went to Moncton and pole danced, yes, pole dancing. It. Was. A. Blast. A girl teaches it in her apartment. A friend and I drove to Moncton and met our other friend there since she had to travel a different way after visiting family. We are going to take 6 classes now, and the last class is two days before Nathan comes home for his HLTA (a break from Afghanistan for around 20 days). I’ll have that to look forward to every Sunday!

So these classes, that are actually really hard workouts, ha ha, have got me thinking of pole fashion. I'll come back to this, when I find what I'm looking for! ;)

On a sour note, I missed Mr. M’s call today. Love him.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I'm Tired & Wide Awake

It's 1:30, I'm in bed, I don't want to sleep. I'm emotionally doing really good with this whole deployment thing, but I have picked up some very odd behaviours...
 - My night-owlness has hit me with a vengeance.
 - I am either too active in scheduling my time with people or I sit at home and sit with my laptop & TV.
 - Today I played a total of 5.5 hours of Fable II - an x-box 360 game I'm in love with.
 - I have severly good intentions to do things like scrapbook & work out but by the end of the day I have failed miserably.
It is now 2:30 am and I need sleep. a few keys were not working on my keyboard and I quite literally just sat here for 35 minutes fixing them - another (stupid) odd behaviour. I think haf my common sense left with Mr. M.
I need sleep - fun things happening tomorrow...
He he he.
Ps. Bought New Moon Soundtrack! Eeeeeeeee, I'm in Love.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lazy with Lists

I had a long day today. I feel worn out and tired. I love my job very much but it can be very stressful and long when you don't have a child that is willing to listen. Plus, I got called in 3 hours early.

I'm sitting here watching the Hills- which I love but have less love for now that Lauren is gone. I appreciate it for what it is now, though. Before I began typing I was eating a chocolate bar and reading  Woman's Health Magazine. I'm trying to replace Cosmo, It's very hard. Woman's Health is also very inspiring.

Time is very odd right now. I looked at a calendar and realized it has been a week since he left tomorrow. That went by so fast - yet it went by incrediby slow since I thought more time had went by. It feels like ages ago and yesterday all at the same time.

My list (written here) is not going very well. I knew I would need nothing time for awhile, just my way of coping. I think I have had enough now, I'm feeling lazy and dissapointed at my get up and go. I want to accomplish toning a little before he gets home. I find it hard to maintain a healthy diet because of my living situation. I'm living in a house that's filled with groceries that I am very welcome to eat, but they are all random and I have no idea what to make. Or if I should eat it because she might want it.

I feel pretty comfortable in this place, but it's not my place. I dream of being completely comfortable in a home that is mine and Mr. M's! *sigh*


Friday, October 16, 2009

So it begins...

My journey through the tunnel with the light at the end of it. So far, great! Only teared up yesterday twice, but didn't bawl my eyes out. I did that after leaving the base, I drove around for a bit and cried harder than I ever have in my life and made a point of pulling over and giving one good scream - since I figured at 11:30 at night no one would hear. By the time I got home I was ready to curl up and sleep, but I did not, I stayed awake doing random cmputer things till three in the morning. That's just what I felt like doing.
I recieved my first call from him last night at midnight - it was wonderful. In all the choppyness and akwardness of this first phone call was his happy little voice that has stopped my tears and made me giggle for the past two and a half years. It made breath a little lighter and I will try and hold on tight to this feeling until the next call.

Yesterday - October 15th, 2009, was our Two and a Half years together. 30 Months of good & bad times, memories, moments, love, tears, secrets, inside jokes, laughter, tickling, kisses, and cuddling. I can't wait for him to get back, so we can continue on our adventure.

Going home for the weekend - won't hear from me for a couple days!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

He's gone...

I'm sitting in my room in the house I'm staying in till he gets back and I'm hoping it goes by fast. I'm very impatient for life with him to start, all the better for me to appreciate he hell out of it when he returns. Right now I feel empty, excited, sad, and relieved.

I have officially started to concentrate on me for a little bit - with this comes the list...which I said I wold write for all the world to see (written here) so it would help me to stay motivated. Here it goes:

The Deployment List
  -Excersise, feel good about my body again
  -Get back into scrapbooking
  -Try rockclimbing!
  -Journal -so I don't go crazy.
  -Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel - Him being back, living together, and this (hopefully)not happening again.
  -Care packages for my babe!

I have a  really intense need to call him or text him - Probably because I can't. I fel so emotionally drained from this We spent last night in a hotel , since we don't have our own place, and it was a good night - even though I cried several times.

I love him so much, my best friend is gone. 
But he'll be back in two months for his halfway leave...Not too far away.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Turkey, Talking & Tans

Thanksgiving weekend went by quite smoothly. Mr. M and I visited with my family and moved me into another room in another home with another wife. It's a bigger room than the last one, and she has every room in this house decorated amazingly, including this one.
Last night Mr. M I were both feeling the exact same way at the same time. This hasn't happened in a long time because of the deployment. It was the "I want everyone to just go away so we can both hold on to each other and just be." I'm so anxious. Our talks together consist mainly of when he comes back, since if we talked about what is happening tomorrow I would just never stop crying. I'm trying my best to be strong for him but lately we could be talking about what we are going to have for dinner and I'll start crying. Just for a couple minutes, then I'm fine.
He went to work this morning in his tans, which made me feel sickish and unable to sleep. I'll be ok, after the next two days are over. This is the hardest part.

Work now.
T Jayne

Saturday, October 10, 2009

4 Days

So, I'm still in a somewhat of a denial towards the impending doom of deployment. I know it's coming, just not in the amount of days the title of this post indicates. I have so much to do before then. Sigh. Here is a list, just because I like lists:
-Visit Family
-Time with him

I realize there are only three things, however, they are big important things. So there.

In regards to the impending doom - went out last night as a sendoff thing for the boys. Wasn't terrible actually, but that was mostly because I barely drank, while my significant other was somewhat of a lush and was tanked faster than you can say "pre-deployment anxiety". The toilet was indeed his friend by the end of the night, but no fights occurred - other than me getting slightly annoyed at the continuous drinking when I had asked him to slow it down, no harm done, though.

Blog Interrupted By:

Sometimes, I wish as a girl, we didn't experience so many odd, ridiculous, unusable feelings. They are just there and they interrupt everyday life with no regard for manners. For instance - Girlfriend says: "Talk to me, babe." Boyfriend says: "What about?" Then the crazy feelings leaps out of nowhere and say: "I don't know, just anything, you always just want to talk about movies to download to watch while you are overseas, you don't even talk to me anymore. I just want to talk, you are leaving soon and we just never talk anymore." Then you have Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment just blatantly sitting on your lap on display for the whole world to see, including poor clueless boyfriend. So, then you have to take a minute to push Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment onto the floor and then apologize to poor clueless boyfriend. All the while trying to ignore Mrs. Annoyed At Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment who is trying to climb into your lap.

So, I need to get back to trying to pack and getting ready to go to my friend Trin's birthday dinner at a local pub tonight. Should be fun! She is a very good friend of mine who is a military fiance. Her man is going over with mine, so we are going through this together - you can read her thoughts on life.army.love.

Anyway, back to my life in the real world.

Friday, October 9, 2009

5 Days

I can't even ignore the countdown anymore, it's right there, and anyone that knows simple math could figure it out. When I'm not with him I'm fine, but when I am, it takes two seconds for an emotion to turn on and off. It's getting hard to determine which feelings are of normal cause and which are Afghanistan caused.
That's all for now.

Friday, October 2, 2009

September 30th - Birthday Day

   I did not do a birthday post yesterday, but it was in fact a 20 something birthday that I had. The day began with my Mom making the 45 minute drive to my place of living to take me out to breakfast and give me this (picture) fabulous cardigan from Aeropostale which she picked up in Bangor. My Mom is so awesome. After that I went to work where a few little ones wished me a happy birthday. Then to get ready for a small dinner with my fav girlies. While I was getting ready I had some time to reflect on my age - I realized I was trying to speed time up. Lately, I feel so young. I wonder why I'm still in this stage of my life where I feel I know nothing. I've graduated, I have a good job, I'm in a long term relationship, yet it feels like I just got out of high school, to be honest. I have a good balance of friends, married, engaged, girlfriend, and single gals. The military part of my life seems to rule though. I'll get back to this later, on with my birthday day.
One of my friends drove me to the pub in town where we sat down for drinks and appetizers, while waiting for my other gals to show. Four of my wonderful friends showed up. Good times were had.

Mr. M just called, and though it was a pleasant phone conversation with little tension and lots of positivity it was a mere 6:27 long. How is that even fulfilling? HE always calls me right before bed or right before he goes to do something when he is away, therefore avoiding all possibility of more than 10 minutes of conversation. This can be a good thing as it also avoids my ranting and/or stupid fights. I should get used to the short conversations since in less then two weeks there will be no more texting or calling, as well as limited phone calls. Ok. 


Three of us stayed in order to keep having a good time and though I only had two beer, the breath of fresh air I was feeling at that moment since I was not stumbling around trying to locate my friends in a bar was more satisfying than the aforementioned beer. Here comes the best part, and not becuase of the free drink either. The waiter brought us three our drinks we had ordered at the beginning, saying the guy at the bar had got them for us. I for one was stunned at the fact that even though I was sitting at a table, minding my own damn business, trying to have a good time with two of my best, a stupid boy had to stick his nose in. Couple minutes later said boy and friend ask to sit down at the table with us. Trin and I both look at Mrs. Jackson, since she is the married one, and the boys quickly state they are here for the band and aren't looking to cause trouble. So, we let them sit, what harmcould come from that? Not ten minutes later - So, how about some shots ladies? No thank you, we were just leaving now. We're out of there! The totally Ironic part was - they all had the same trade as Mrs. Jackson's husband, Trin's Fiance, and my boyfriend. Life lesson: All we can attract are military boys.Anyway, home and bed early for me, and I was so very glad.

Back to the military part of my life ruling - in that part of my life everyone is either engaged or married and I feel like the only one who isn't. I'm not complaining, Mr. M and I are in a good long term, happy relationship. It's hard being the "Girlfriend" in a group sometimes. Feels like you didn't make it in the super exclusive club. I know it's coming though, I'm just impatient, you know how it is.

Anyway - Night Night

Ps. This was posted the morning after I wrote it - due to circumstances beyond my control.