Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. I havearealjobnowandcan'tdrink Day!

So, I'm a grown up now?
I went to work from 10 to 5 then a food safety course ( I make the children's snacks and prepare lunches for about 3 hours in total a day) from 6:30 to 9:30. Then came home and cleaned up a bit.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Not.
I am dissapointed in the fact I did nothing. Well, I had a glass of wine and went on twitter. That's definitely not nothing - and will also explain any grammatical or spelling errors in this post. Please forgive me.

As you know, or don't but will now, I ordered my pole finally! It arrived about 2 weeks ago and I have been practising like mad. I love it. I missed it so much, it's such amazing exercise since it works muscles throughout your entire body. Plus it makes you feel incredibly sexy, even if you don't get it for those purposes. My pole spins too, which is super fun! You can unlock it and lock it. I bought mine from: X-Pole Not to advertise for them or anything, but just a good safe pole.

Some serious business. I need some work. Some mental work. I am trying to make myself focus on me for awhile. It's not Mr. M and I. After all we have been through in the last year we are better than ever! Which is lovely, but I feel not quite right about myself. I have a lot of old issues and new issues I am having trouble dealing with. Slowly I am figuring out what they are and what I should do with them. The largest one is self-esteem, and second is jealousy. If someone says something to me I find hurtful I think about it for days and vow to fix myself. Meanwhile, if there are girls around that are prettier than me my self-esteem dips plus I go through a whole thing in my head of how Mr. M probably thinks they are so much prettier than me and wished I looked a certain way. We have been together 4 years and I should NOT feel this way anymore... but I do. That is stupid.

I just want to be as confident as everything thinks I am. Is that too much to ask?

That is quite a load of honesty. I'm contemplating posting this...as anyone can read this and I prefer certain people not to know my weaknesses. I will post this though because -

N-n-now that that don't kill me, Can only make me stronger
Bam.
Oh Kanye, you'd know alllllll about that wouldn't you?

Aren't you so excited you can rock out now, after all that negativity? Me too, me too.
Sigh.

Well, it's 1:30 am somehow. I should probably try to go sleep.
Much love to you bloggers, thanks for "listening"
Tmo

3 comments:

  1. I love you TMO! You are GREAT!

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  2. It's always different to hear about other people's insecurities. I never would've thought of you as someone who feels self-conscious around pretty girls, because you one of the prettiest girls that I.. sort of know through a friend haha. Now I feel kind of creepy, but hope you find a way to work through your issues.

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  3. Thanks Ladies
    Robyn - You most definitely GREAT too! <3
    Venassa - Awww, ha ha, not creepy, very sweet. And thank you. I do too. This is why you can never judge a book by it's cover eh?

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