Regret & Acceptance

Life has a way of telling you to slow down in small ways, as in, stop and smell the flowers. Then sometimes life, or whatever you believe in, decides to throw a big event in every now an again to stop you in your tracks and think. Take stock of your daily grind. Are you doing what you want? Do you spend enough time with those you love and who love you? Have you been running through your life in order to get to the next event?

A friend passed away after a car accident a couple days ago, she was 25, bright, beautiful & genuine. She was my big sister in the sorority I am a part of. It is over 4 years since I've seen her last but we had talked on Facebook from time to time in order to catch up. I regret not doing that more.

I cried when I found out, which isn't surprising, as I'm an emotional person. What was surprising was how much I have thought about my whole life in the following days. I'm happy, but I still have so much I want to accomplish...

It's scary to think our lives can end so quickly. It is weighing on my mind, the way I process things is very slow. It takes me time to "get over" things, accept, move past, let go of, you know?

I have a lot of happy things happening in my life soon. I need to remember to be grateful of them and truly experience them to the fullest. Use this dark life event to appreciate my sunny ones.

Much love,

Tmo

xo

Detailed Life Postage & Ellen

I know, I know. I said I would post last night.

However, life got in the way of that. I had to make a card and cheesecake dessert for my work. Today is my last day of the fulltime kitchen shift I had taken over for another woman. She had to have surgery so I volunteered to fill in for a few months. I worked 10 to 5 and did allllll the laundry, baking, snacks, lunch heating and serving for the 2's and 3/4's, dishes, and breaks/lunches for the staff. Very stressful. I was worried I would not be able to handle it since I had taken on a difficult position in September and opted out of it in October because of the stress. This time I did amazing. I am truly proud of myself.

Mr. M and I have made a few leaps and bounds lately after I realized I was in fact the problem. I don't like admitting when I am wrong and sometimes seek out fights which are not helpful in a relationship. I enjoy drama and get bored easily whithin a relationship. I choose not to accept Mr. M for who he is and try and change him when I haven't changed hair. These are all things I realized over the weekend. Does this make me a terrible person in Mr. M's eyes? No. He loves me deeply and wants needs me to be happy. So, instead of concentrating on these things I have chosen to be happy and admit when I'm wrong ( even when I know I'm right) because Mr. M is something I never want to lose. He's my best friend and I love him very much.

Ok, enough sap and honesty. Yuck. That was mainly for my friend T-pain. How's that for detailed life postage. tmi. lmao.

I am going to my first of 5 weddings (so far) this summer, on Saturday. Mr. M's cousin is getting married. We were invited but not his mother, which is akward. I am excited though! I absolutely adore weddings, plus I need some focus on mine and it's easy to see little details that I haven't thought of by going to a real wedding, ha ha! So It's off to N.S. this long weekend for us!

So, I've covered job, love, weekend plans, hmmm.

I need to post pictures of my house, but we are going to paint soon, so I will wait. We were not going to paint but now we are since we'll be here for longer than we thought. The army doesn't like our "Life Plan A" so on to B.

I miss friends, I need some major girly time. Hopefully next weekend my plans to go dancing follow through. I just wanna dance. I'm really feeling the shopping cart move right now.

There are just so many to choose from.

ps. peek at one of my photos from my Maine shoot...

Well, I must get ready for work.

Love to you blog world,

Tmo

Wednesday Morning Thoughts n. 2

So, this week I cheated a bit when it come to getting to Wednesday. I skipped Tuesday. I was running a fever with some chills and a cough. No work for Tmo! Now it's Wednesday, beloved halfway to Friday Wednesday.

My pole room looks FABULOUS! I don't use that word very often, but I feel it appropriate for my beautiful room. I have put hard work and a good pair of sweatpants into that room. I spray-painted mirrors (bye bye good pair of sweatpants who now have a streak of black on them) hung pictures/mirrors, installed curtains and a pole. It's our half craft/half workout room. It's very zen and it makes me happy. Now to practice. I will post pictures SOON.

Mr. M and I have been watching this show called Dollhouse on netflix and I just want to recommend it to those of you that get netflix. It's quite the chick flick with lots of action. It's very scifi though, so if you don't get along with shows like Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and so on, you won't like it.

After attending my sorority Ball last week I realized how very different of a person I am lately. I keep trying to go back to the crazy alcoholic (note* not actual alcoholic, just a person enjoying life.) person I used to be but that is no fun to me anymore. I like to drink, just not as much as I used to. I'm more satisfied with a glass of wine than a pint of vodka. Oh the glory days. I also realized what silly drama ensues when girls get together and that I can't hold a grudge longer than about 2 minutes. There are people who aren't in my life anymore and I am ok with that because they weren't supporting who I am or who I'm with. On a counter note there are some people I need to hang out with asap! <3

I hope summer gets here soon! I have four weddings to go to and I am so excited to get dressed up! I absolutely love weddings, and it'll give me ideas for my own next year!

Time to go to work!

Love to you,

Tmo

Happy St. I havearealjobnowandcan'tdrink Day!

So, I'm a grown up now?
I went to work from 10 to 5 then a food safety course ( I make the children's snacks and prepare lunches for about 3 hours in total a day) from 6:30 to 9:30. Then came home and cleaned up a bit.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Not.

I am dissapointed in the fact I did nothing. Well, I had a glass of wine and went on twitter. That's definitely not nothing - and will also explain any grammatical or spelling errors in this post. Please forgive me.

As you know, or don't but will now, I ordered my pole finally! It arrived about 2 weeks ago and I have been practising like mad. I love it. I missed it so much, it's such amazing exercise since it works muscles throughout your entire body. Plus it makes you feel incredibly sexy, even if you don't get it for those purposes. My pole spins too, which is super fun! You can unlock it and lock it. I bought mine from: X-Pole Not to advertise for them or anything, but just a good safe pole.

Some serious business. I need some work. Some mental work. I am trying to make myself focus on me for awhile. It's not Mr. M and I. After all we have been through in the last year we are better than ever! Which is lovely, but I feel not quite right about myself. I have a lot of old issues and new issues I am having trouble dealing with. Slowly I am figuring out what they are and what I should do with them. The largest one is self-esteem, and second is jealousy. If someone says something to me I find hurtful I think about it for days and vow to fix myself. Meanwhile, if there are girls around that are prettier than me my self-esteem dips plus I go through a whole thing in my head of how Mr. M probably thinks they are so much prettier than me and wished I looked a certain way. We have been together 4 years and I should NOT feel this way anymore... but I do. That is stupid.

I just want to be as confident as everything thinks I am. Is that too much to ask?

That is quite a load of honesty. I'm contemplating posting this...as anyone can read this and I prefer certain people not to know my weaknesses. I will post this though because -

N-n-now that that don't kill me, Can only make me stronger

Bam.

Oh Kanye, you'd know alllllll about that wouldn't you?

Aren't you so excited you can rock out now, after all that negativity? Me too, me too.

Sigh.

Well, it's 1:30 am somehow. I should probably try to go sleep.

Much love to you bloggers, thanks for "listening"

Tmo

Goals (why not?) and random other blah blah blah

Hi there...

Long time no write.

I said I would blog more in the new year. Good start, eh?

So... Christmas was pretty good. I received some nice adult type presents. Not those kind of adult presents. More like filing cabinet, dishes for the kitchen, things of that nature. I'm actually excited about them. I have already used some of them as well. I got a pretty crystal tray with a dip bowl that I used for nachos one night we entertained!

It's now almost February and I have not really made any NYE resolutions...I did not really plan on doing that this year. However, I decided that it is sometimes nice to have things like that written down. So here goes...

*Be HEALTHY ie. work out, eat right, & all that buzziness.

*Do me things.

*Focus on the future.

*Further my education. (?)

*Be the wonderful loving person I am. :)

So, lately I have the need to try something new, just not sure what? I want something exciting. Oh life. Oh me. Oh my. Oh dear.

A credit card. Yes, that's right. I Tmo, a twenty-something woman, do NOT own a credit card. While browsing one of my fav online stores (that I have never bought from) I realized I could never own anything from said site with no gold. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. What to do?

My hubby leaves on Saturday for 2 weeks, so I'm looking forward to girly nights and some alone time.

If you want to hang with this chick calllll meeeee, f-book me, or twitter me. ;) So many ways.

I have to tell you! I have been making things!

Cherry pie, brownies, slow cooker chicken, & sheperds pie. Ok, so none of those things are very hard, but...they were for me, so give me a break.

I have been cleaning, sort of...

I'll keep working on it.

:|

Love,

Tmo

Since Tuesday (of LAST week)

Ever Since Tuesday I have been FANTASIC.

I was feeling kind of blah since my beau is in the field. BUT on TUESDAY it all changed. I had my second burlesque class done by this amazing lady (NB area). It is so much fun!! Makes you feel super sassy and fun and she is so easy to work with. G. and I have a ball!

Then on Wednesday I went to Snooty's with some new girlfriends that are not army wives which is kind of nice.

Thursday I got to see my man for 2 hours! Whoop! Then G. and I went to town and bought some things.

Friday I went to the base ThankGodIt'sFriday with G. you get free food and the chance to win gift certificates! I won a 25$gift certificate from Home Depot! Bam! Then we decided we we needed to dance. So we went back to town to pick up some last minute things and I decided to buy an amazing straightener called Amika. I'm in love. After that we danced the night away while ignoring creepy army guys at a local bar. It's more fun than it sounds.

Saturday I had my photoshoot which G. joined me at! It went fantastic!

Sunday I had a day of rest, then a night at the movies with G. (Who I clearly spend too much time with.) I got a text during "Due Date" (Which is fricken HILARIOUS) and surprise! Mr. M was at home on my doorstep. He got to come in since he had an important inspection at his other job. (Which he passed with flying colors!! So Proud.)

Monday, well, nothing & that's ok, ha ha.

Then today, Doctor's app. so I can finally find out what is wrong with me! After that I had dinner with my mommy. As well as Burlesque class. Good day.

Now on to being excited about tomorrow night.

Much love,

Tmo

Life is loverly.

Hi all.

Sorry for the long time away. Been quite busy. Here are short updates...

-Mr. M is back from Newfieland. <3

-We had Thanksgiving at mine and Mr. M's house, with my rents, his rent, and some siblings. 8 in all. It went actually very well. Nice having family around.

-I have begun searching for schools...looking like Makeup Course or Events and Promotions Management. I can not work in a daycare forever.

-I am going to the Dominican in a little less than 6 months for a friends wedding! PUMPED.

-Mr. M and I went to a possible Reception venue & booked a temp spot!

-I still need a costume for Halloween!!

-Mr. M and I are passing out candy this year! I live on a base so there are TONS of kiddies that walk around. A co-worker a couple of streets over had 275 last year.

-I am going to the in-laws this weekend.

-Wedding planning is going splendid, but keep in mind I'm starting early on mine!

-Hot tub parties (A friend of ours just bought a house that came with a huge one!) are the perfect highlight to a stressful week!

-I LOVE my new jacket! A wicked find at a boutique store downtown.

-I love my IBX girls, you can follow our sorority on twitter here.

-I get my pole on Thursdayyyyy!! Yayyyy! So going to help tone me up for Dominican.

My new coat. <3

Our Thanksiving cuteness. Mr. M and I rock at hosting.

That's all she wrote! <3

Love,

Tmo

Camping, pageants, and diving...oh my!

Sooooo, last weekend was spent having an amazing time with 2 of my sorority sisters, one funny guy, and three more visitor friends PLUS a whole bunch of alcohol. It t'was a fantastic time. I also got a new hat, which I like very much, you can see it directly below.

I have been a little stressed lately, but the good in my life by far outweighs it. :)

I am loving Pretty Little Liars!! & The Real World. They entertain me at the moment.

My hunny is in bed, he's a tired boy lately. He's been helping instruct on a Dive Prelim and has to do crazy workouts with them. So it's like a 10K run then swimming halfway to the next city, then all this stuff in between!

Hmmm, what else has been going on in my life? Oh! I'm going to my Hometown tomorrow night because my sister is in the pageant! I won it in 05, so I'm so proud of her for going into it. Not because I want her to win, I just want her to have the experience I did of doing something fun with your friends. I also gained a WHOLE bunch of confidence from it. I used to be very shy in highschool, but through grade 11 and 12 I changed a lot.

I'll tell you sometime. I need Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Love,

Tmo

OkieDokie!

I am pumped!

Work, Photoshoot, Work, then Camping & the weekend!

I am leaving Mr. M to go camping on Friday night, and I am very excited. He is too, because he gets to play Halo without me bothering him :) T-hehehe.

I need to get some clothes ready for tonight's shoot, and finish getting ready for work! I need to stop spending so much time on the internet. It's going to make me late.

Love,

Tmo

Too many.

Bridal Magazines.

They are taking over my house!

I keep getting ones from newly married at work and I also bought a whole bunch.

I am hereby banning myself for at least 3 months, till the Fall one comes out. T-hehehe.

Well, this weekend I was supposed to go to N.S. but now it looks like it's a no go. So, now I'm looking at a bonding weekend with the fiancee. There is something I could attend, but I'm not sure yet...We'll see. You know how you want to go to something but you're scared it's going to be super akward. But in reality it might actually be fun and you'll regret it if you don't go.

There was a summer I didn't go to a lot of things because I was always hanging with my guy. Then he broke up with me for a month and a realized what an asshole of a friend I had been. Balance is so hard to acheive sometimes for me. I'm working on it. :)

My kitten Gus is eating my hair, he's super adorable though, so I don't mind. <3

Well, off to work I go.

Love,

Tmo

Lovely Long Weekend + A Tiny Rant

Beautiful long weekend! Friday night Mr. M and I stayed at the lake and woke up to find a already super hot sunny day outside. Then off to my Mommy and her guy's annual party. They have a pool, a band, and half of my town come out. It's always a good time. Sunday was a lazy day at home for us. Monday we escaped to the beach in a city an hour and a half away with some friends. Overall, great long weekend.

In other news, I'm apparently a terrible person. For a person who does not enjoy drama or conflict I have had way too much of it lately. Over nothing. Sometimes people think they have the whole story, but they don't. I had a good laugh over the fact that I got told I "no longer talk to a friend of mine" when I do and my "fiancee is a prick" which I have never been told in my life. So, if he is, can my friends please alert me immediately. I refuse to be engaged to a prick. Who am I kidding? I love my Mr. M the Prick.

This is the last you'll hear of this, since I have moved past it rather fast and it made me laugh more than it made me mad.

However, if you do think badly of me for whatever reason don't just ignore me, at least tell me why you are.

Sigh.

Back to living happily in my non-drama life. & a 4 day work week this week! Hell ya!

By the way - I realize my last post was on the verge of being absolutely pathetic. Please forgive me. I have come to realize it's not the amount of friends you have, it's the quality. I was just used to having a crazy amount of friends.

Now off to work, then photoshoot tonight!

Love,

Tmo

hiatus for a tiny bit!

I will not be blogging for a little bit as... I AM MOVING! YESSSSSSSSS. PMQ IN THE AM MOFOS!

I'm a tinsy tiny bit excited. I have to go finish packing now.

LOVE to you bloggers.

T-mo

Ps. Roro, the updates on my life will continue, promise, but where are your updates?

Breath in, breath out, breath i - OMG a fridge!!

I have a happy post now. I own a fridge! Going to pick it up on the 30th, for 200.00, down from 250.00. I haggled damnit. I am wonderwoman. Also, Checkout Dive this weekend! Oh hell yes, I feel good about myself again. I will go from this:

To this:

I am pumped, to say the least.

Going wayyyy back to this post in which I write out a list of things I want to accomplish while he is gone. Here it is -

The Deployment List

-Excersise, feel good about my body again *Check, getting back into it in May fulltime.

-Get back into scrapbooking * Only a little, there is no room in people's places, I feel in the way when I do.

-Friends! * Check! Jo's on weekends, still staying in touch with others!

-Try rockclimbing! * Check, got my lead course in it.

-Journal -so I don't go crazy. * Check, almost every night.

-Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel - Him being back, living together, and this (hopefully)not happening again. * Check, it's s close.

-Care packages for my babe! * Only one :( I hope it gets to him on time!!

I did all that, but I also did:

-Scuba Dive Course

-Pole Dancing classes

-Made memories with friends

-Gained some close friendships, some best friends that I hope to surround myself with aways, in some way!

-Began part time modeling

-Went to see an old Bff and a concert of a band I love.

-2 Bacheloette parties!

-Visited my family

-Celebrated mine and Mr. M's 3 year anniversary of being boyfriend and girlfriend.

-Had many breakfasts at our local fav

-Spent many weekends with two of my favs

-Moved out of a home I had so desperately moved into, into a newly married couple's pmq

-Finding appliances and getting ready to move into pmq on April 30th, 2010! 6 Days!

-BEEN POSITIVE, which I think is my biggest accomplishment.

-Booked a trip to Jamaica for the beau and I

This is one of those pinnacle times in my life where I am truly proud of myself. I feel great about what I am doing in my life. Sure there are speedbumps, but they are just bumps. Not giant craters in the road. I feel content. When my beau gets home I shall reach a new stage of happiness.

Cloud 10.

Goonight Bloggers, I love you.

Tmo

O.m.g. My life is insane right now. I’m just busy, a good busy. So much has happened! I’ve been to two bachelorette parties, gone out on the town a few times, entered an alternate universe (good story, you’ll never hear it, don’t ask.), saw a good friend get married, made new friends, started Scuba diving classes, realized I had a really good friend, realized the people you hate sometimes just need a chance, locked in mine and Mr. M’s PMQ (little bungalow house) for April 30th, and really experienced life I guess. I was just SO busy doing all this stuff my little blog got pushed out of my mind. I wish I could write about all those experiences but I’m not. If you were there you know, and if you weren’t, why the hell not? ;)

Now, on to my present life. Scuba diving class tomorrow night! I’m pumped! The rest of the week is gym/work week then Freddy for the weekend, of course, to Jo’s for non-drunk weekend! Dooly’s is the worst we will do! I’m stating it here.

Guess what! 38 days till PMQ is mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!!!! Mr. M’s too, when he comes home…hehehe. Slightly excited.

Okay, that’s all I have, bedtime for this lady.

 

Goodnight - love, Tmo.

Halloween Weekend

I went out, I did not want to go out, but I went out. I went to the Capital with some amazing people (and a bodygaurd named Robyn). The Capital was not all that bad since it isn't a club persay. Then we went to a club-club type place for about 15 minutes, and I had fun dancing but they are still terrible places. On Halloween night I went to a sorority (that I am alum in) Halloween party. We got there late enought that it had dwindled dow to very few people left. After they had convinced me to go to Sclub we waited in a line and preceeded into the crazyness that is: Freshman University Halloween Fever. Eek. Too many people there for my liking. Long Story short: Not again till my hunny is home, till then girls nights, the occasional houseparty, and a pub or two.

The truly awesome part of the weekend was the daytime hanging out with my two good friends who's apartment I inhabited all weekend. I have much love for them both. <3

I am happy...Life is good. He's gone, but even across an ocean I find comfort in his voice and words, that's all I need to remain sane. 26 weeks left.

Back to Pride and Prejudice, goodnight.

Good weekend. I had a really good weekend. On Saturday I had fire extinguisher training with my work and got to put out a fire! Which was ridiculously exciting! Then most of us went out to eat after, which was nice. Then I had a few hours to relax before having a wonderful 3 hour coffee date with my very good friend Mrs. Jackson whose husband comes back from overseas tomorrow!! Very excited for her!

On Sunday I went to Moncton and pole danced, yes, pole dancing. It. Was. A. Blast. A girl teaches it in her apartment. A friend and I drove to Moncton and met our other friend there since she had to travel a different way after visiting family. We are going to take 6 classes now, and the last class is two days before Nathan comes home for his HLTA (a break from Afghanistan for around 20 days). I’ll have that to look forward to every Sunday!

So these classes, that are actually really hard workouts, ha ha, have got me thinking of pole fashion. I'll come back to this, when I find what I'm looking for! ;)

On a sour note, I missed Mr. M’s call today. Love him.

Goodnight.

4 Days

So, I'm still in a somewhat of a denial towards the impending doom of deployment. I know it's coming, just not in the amount of days the title of this post indicates. I have so much to do before then. Sigh. Here is a list, just because I like lists:

-Pack

-Visit Family

-Time with him

I realize there are only three things, however, they are big important things. So there.

In regards to the impending doom - went out last night as a sendoff thing for the boys. Wasn't terrible actually, but that was mostly because I barely drank, while my significant other was somewhat of a lush and was tanked faster than you can say "pre-deployment anxiety". The toilet was indeed his friend by the end of the night, but no fights occurred - other than me getting slightly annoyed at the continuous drinking when I had asked him to slow it down, no harm done, though.

Blog Interrupted By:

MILITARY GIRLFRIEND RANT

I HATE MRS. ANNOYED AT DEPLOYMENT

Sometimes, I wish as a girl, we didn't experience so many odd, ridiculous, unusable feelings. They are just there and they interrupt everyday life with no regard for manners. For instance - Girlfriend says: "Talk to me, babe." Boyfriend says: "What about?" Then the crazy feelings leaps out of nowhere and say: "I don't know, just anything, you always just want to talk about movies to download to watch while you are overseas, you don't even talk to me anymore. I just want to talk, you are leaving soon and we just never talk anymore." Then you have Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment just blatantly sitting on your lap on display for the whole world to see, including poor clueless boyfriend. So, then you have to take a minute to push Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment onto the floor and then apologize to poor clueless boyfriend. All the while trying to ignore Mrs. Annoyed At Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment who is trying to climb into your lap.

THE END.

So, I need to get back to trying to pack and getting ready to go to my friend Trin's birthday dinner at a local pub tonight. Should be fun! She is a very good friend of mine who is a military fiance. Her man is going over with mine, so we are going through this together - you can read her thoughts on life.army.love.

Anyway, back to my life in the real world.

tjayne

Akward Events

This is in response to my wonderful friend's new blog. I love you.

She decided I wasn't blogging enough, or at all lately (sorry!), so she decided to prove how quick and easy it is to blog by making her own. Well, I would have time to if I sneaked away with my laptop and beer while my friends were all in the living room. Sneaky, Sneaky girl.

This is all I can write as I have to get ready for a dinner with a couple a may housesit for. PLEASE LET IT ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Come on life, give me a break.