*^@?$$&%^??@&^&

Flight Delayed by 24 hours.
Tomorrow night now.

Fuck.

(Sorry for the language, but I feel so very angry at this happening.)

Mr. M called me at 3:00am, being woken up at this time of night coupled with the news kind of made me cry super hard. I realized this morning my window was open. fml.

On the brighter side - It's only a day away, which is not a month or week, just a day. I can do a day. I have done over 200 days so far, What's one more?

Tmo

NEED SLUMBER

He comes home in 24 FRIGGEN HOURS!

This is totally me right now.
(At least it would be if I were in an empty field of dandilions right now, oh...and I looked like her.)

I kicked tour's ass. I rock. I am strong. I am ... Wonderwoman.

(Well, kind of...in spirit. I sadly have no super powers. Except for my power of awesomeness, no big.)

BEDTIME.

Love,

Tmo

6 DAYS!

6 DAYS

Till my hunny comes home from Deployment!

Like OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, this is almost overrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I am happy. excited. in love. anxious. impatient. thankful. stressed.

So many complicated feelings, but first and foremost - Excited and Happy! (Of course)

I have 38 hours this week at work and, as I usually only have 25, I am stressed about getting this place organized of my things before he comes home and needs to move his stuff in from his Mom's, where its stored. My mommy is coming this Friday night till Saturday afternoon to help me organize, I think. Which would be great.

 It is currently almost 9:00pm, and I feel the need to watch Gilmore Girls and organize. Wish me luck.

T-hehehe.

Love to you all!

Tmo

Breath in, breath out, breath i - OMG a fridge!!

I have a happy post now. I own a fridge! Going to pick it up on the 30th, for 200.00, down from 250.00. I haggled damnit. I am wonderwoman. Also, Checkout Dive this weekend! Oh hell yes, I feel good about myself again. I will go from this:

To this:

I am pumped, to say the least.

Going wayyyy back to this post in which I write out a list of things I want to accomplish while he is gone. Here it is -

The Deployment List

-Excersise, feel good about my body again *Check, getting back into it in May fulltime.

-Get back into scrapbooking * Only a little, there is no room in people's places, I feel in the way when I do.

-Friends! * Check! Jo's on weekends, still staying in touch with others!

-Try rockclimbing! * Check, got my lead course in it.

-Journal -so I don't go crazy. * Check, almost every night.

-Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel - Him being back, living together, and this (hopefully)not happening again. * Check, it's s close.

-Care packages for my babe! * Only one :( I hope it gets to him on time!!

I did all that, but I also did:

-Scuba Dive Course

-Pole Dancing classes

-Made memories with friends

-Gained some close friendships, some best friends that I hope to surround myself with aways, in some way!

-Began part time modeling

-Went to see an old Bff and a concert of a band I love.

-2 Bacheloette parties!

-Visited my family

-Celebrated mine and Mr. M's 3 year anniversary of being boyfriend and girlfriend.

-Had many breakfasts at our local fav

-Spent many weekends with two of my favs

-Moved out of a home I had so desperately moved into, into a newly married couple's pmq

-Finding appliances and getting ready to move into pmq on April 30th, 2010! 6 Days!

-BEEN POSITIVE, which I think is my biggest accomplishment.

-Booked a trip to Jamaica for the beau and I

This is one of those pinnacle times in my life where I am truly proud of myself. I feel great about what I am doing in my life. Sure there are speedbumps, but they are just bumps. Not giant craters in the road. I feel content. When my beau gets home I shall reach a new stage of happiness.

Cloud 10.

Goonight Bloggers, I love you.

Tmo

Sigh. I don't usually have days lately where I sit and do nothing. Today I worked from 8 til 12:30, then...nothing. I did absolutely nothing all day. Scratch that, I called to get house insurance, then did nothing all day. It's odd because I didn't like it, which I usually love to sit and do nothing. Lately I'm anxious, I have a lot to do so I shouldn't of just sat and did nothing. Barrrrrg. Also, I'll tell you a secret...I cried today. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried. My boyfriend's in Afghanistan and I can't tell you the last time I've cried, I have got to be the weirdest person I know. I just don't let myself. I'm too busy to cry. I have a headache too and I feel sick, I should really go to bed.

Ohohohoh! First - I recently went to a Hedley concert and visited my bff in Halifax! It was an amazing weekend and definitely something I needed! I bought the dress I think I'm going to wear when Mr. M comes home, which is incredibly soon! I bought a print of a painting of the Harbour for our bathroom too!

PMQ in 8 days! I am so excited, and I wasn't too stressed until today. I am having trouble finding a fridge and a stove, I'm not super worried yet though. I will survive, I've made it this far.

My mom recently wrote me a letter...it sort of scared me I guess. She talks about money issues

and how I need to be independant. How she's worried about what happened last time Mr. M and I moved in together...we broke up, but got back together a month later. It's different this time though, we are older, wiser, more mature in our arguments. Everyone fights about money, it's how you go about the fighting that matters. Ug. I need sleep.

This was a lot of complaining, I am sorry. I need sleep and a good day tomorrow then I'll give this blog a happy post.

My friend RoRo recently posted a countdown post. I happen to be an uber fan of countdowns right now, I was tentivly counting down before, but now I have so many! An excert from a message to Mr. Miller:

"Love you!!! 9 days till 3 years! :)

18 days till I'm a certified diver!!!!!!

23 days till pmq!!!!!!!!!!

47ish days till you see my pretty face!!!!!!!!!!"

I have many more though. I am so busy. Here is my timeline:

This weekend - Ball

16th to 18th - Hedley Concert in Hali!

24th to 23rd - Checkout Dive weekend in Hali.

30th to 1st - PMQ bungalo!!! MOVING ON UP!

8th & 9th of May - Jo's place/Moncton to outlet stores?

15th May - Shoot (modeling)

22nd & 23rd - last weekend before he's home/Jo's/ getting pmq home-e!
 AND for all the rest of April Tuesday and Thursday are dive classes, I also need to pack, go to gym, work, and find appliances! Oh my goodness. Hahahaha! I AM busy. It's good though!

I had a wonderful Easter, hope you did too!\More laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Love to you Bloggers,

Tmo

Clearly Someone Hates Me

Mr. M has been back in Afghanistan less that two weeks, therefore, the truck started making a funny noise. A non-ignorable type noise. Alright, can't be terrible, right? I took it to Canadian Tire, two problems: Wheel bearring & right acxle = 580$ Fine. Wait, Miss, there is a possibility we could take this apart then have a third problem. Ok. I thought that would bring it up to maybe 1000$. I was very wrong. 2400$ WHAT!? FML. So, the two first problems are fixed. The third my Mom's boyfriend is going to Canadian Tire in the morning to check on, since he's a mechanic. Bah. I hate being without a vehicle. This is why someone hates me.

I believe things come in threes...so, the day Mr. M left the police 'kindly' told us we could not take the truck to the airport since it had to be registered and safetyed, all from parking on the side of the road... while we visited friends... an hour before he left.. on boxing day. I mean come on! Mr. M ended up calling my Mom and her bf to come get me since I was supposed to take he truck home for Christmas and I was literally having an anxiety attack and could not talk at that moment. He took a cab to the airport and I sat in the driveway, in the truck. 45 minutes later I was rescued, but not before they mistakenly drove to the airport thinking I was there. They got to say goodbye to him though, that's good. The second thing is the truck nonsense. I'm hoping the third thing s something like me stubbing my toe or something, I can't handle anything bigger right now.

I am almost moved. I have a lot of clothes. You would think I would be an excellent mover, this is the 5th time I'm moving in a year. Four and a half more months till I'm in a more permanent situation, yayyyyyyy!

On a very positive note - I have some news! I received a glamorous blog award from wonderful m. over at - no hometown. Thanks so much. I too am going to try and come out of blog hiding also. Give me time, ha ha.

I also finished the 1st season of Gossip Girl. I have no idea why I love it so much! Don't judge me, please?

Bedtime - I need some beauty sleep.

Tjayne

Goodbye 2009, Hellooooo 2010!

It's so very odd to me that right now it's 2010. It always seemed like a far away dream, at the time Mr. M deployed, that January 2010 would even come. Yet, it's now 12:47 am, Saturday, January 2nd. Life never ceases to amaze me. I now have to get through January, February, March, April - then May 1st I'll be able to move into the cute little bungalow pmq dreamhouse. *sigh* He'll then be home sometime around the very middle of May! Four point five months more of this crazy waiting game I landed in until I get to cash in my prize of my hunny being home.

Awhile ago I wrote this list of things I wanted to accomplish while Mr. M was gone. I have, in 2 months, done all of that. So my current goal is to just keep doing what I've been doing, because it seems to be working well for me.

Blog Interrupted By:

MILITARY GIRLFRIEND RANT

I WANT A HUG

I'm having a moment, sorry. It's harder this time around, him leaving again. He was home for his HLTA for 20 days after being gone for 2 months and letting him go again was just the worst feeling ever. He's already been gone a week...I need my routine back. There are also scary grinding noises that the truck has been making over the past two days. I'm taking it to get looked at tomorrow. Please let nothing else go wrong.

Also, 3 days ago, 4 canadian soldiers died. May they rest in peace.

Sorry for that - I'm done now.

THE END

In happy news I found a dress I had to strongly resisted the urge to get - Etsy is getting to me.

VintageFrocksOfFancy

It's soooo loverly.

Loverly. Do you know what that wonderful word is from? I got it for Christmas to add to my collection! It's my new fav Audrey movie.

I need sleeeeeeep. I will write soon. I'm planning on doing a post like my dear friend Plaid Guru seen here. So watch for that!

Love to you all.

TJayne.

Another 2 weeks go by...

...I'm sorry. I have a good excuse though. HLTA (His break from Afghanistan) finally came.

He arrived at the airport at 5 pm. His Mom and 2, of his 3, brothers were there with me. It was really really weird to see him just walk off an airplane after all this cazyness, ha ha. After a quick stop at Tims we headed to Moncton where we ate at The Pumphouse. His Mom and brothers left and Nathan and I headed to our little Jacuzzi suite I had booked a few days earlier. We had 3 days and 2 nights in Moncton all to ourselves. We did a lot of shopping for Christmas presents and he bought me this sweet pair of D&G sunglasses, which is a big deal for me because I've never owned anything over 15$ for sunglasses before!

Nathan and I then finished the day at the Yamaha store in Moncton and where we were looking at all the pretty bikes, when we came upon a little Yamaha YZ85 2 Stroke 2007/08 (Can't remember year) and I sat on it and it was just perfect. Mr. M then proclaimed he was going to buy it for me because it was a good deal and I've always wanted to learn so why not just get my own? I rolled my eyes thinking he was being silly, but no, he was not. After much of me no-ing him, and him telling me he was at least going to talk to someone about it he did. Then he proceeded to make a down-payment on it and we went to pick it up the next day. I am now the proud new owner of a dirtbike and I am VERY excited for the summer.

We went to my Mom and her Boyfriend's place for the weekend and had  little Christmas for Mr. M and I, since we'll be with his family this year for real christmas. Mr. M and I recieved a Breadmaker! We were very excited and only 5 months till it goes in our new little PMQ. Which I am now legally able to get into before he comes home! Whoop!
I spent so much time commenting it is now very late, and I am very tired. Mr. M left today for his home which I'll be heading to on Saurday. Just have to get through this workweek. Without a vehicle, that he took, blah. Here's hoping time goes fast.

Love to you bloggers.

TJayne

Military Girlfriend Late Night - Barely Awake - Rant

Not sleeping well. I just don't want to go to bed. Nights like this remind me of my younger self who did not like going to bed on time and secretly stayed up later in rebellion. The only one I'm rebelling against is myself, which is somewhat annoying and ironic. Other than that - I'm good!

Heard from Mr. M the other morning for about 10 minutes. He's coming home for his 2 and half week break before going back for the dreaded, over 4 months, span of time, in less than a month! I am certain I will deal with it just the same as I am now. I know myself a lot better than I realized - I didn't push myself after he left. I gave myself time to be lazy at first and now I'm doing pole dancing classes every Sunday & rock climbing twice a week, plus I joined the gym this morning. ;) I'm getting some cooking lessons from my awesome auntie this Saturday. I'm actually loving life quite a bit and I do feel guilty but Mr. M is also having cool experiences, ha. I feel kind of like the odd one out sometimes because I am doing so well, but then I take a step back and look at my situation compared to the other ladies and I am different. I think I would definitely be having a much harder time if we had lived together or had a child together or were married. None of those apply though. Maybe I'm just tucking all my emotions away, unhealthy, but very effective. Whatever it is, I'm happy for it and thankful for the "me" time, even though I miss him I know there is not one damn thing I can do about it. I do have some really tough times but I guess I just don’t focus on them.

He comes home in 27 days. Wow. I’m already sad about him leaving…I just want to get this over with so we can start happy-ness! Can't wait to live with him! I go into shops downtown in the city and dream of what it will look like...

I wish he could cuddle me right now. Alright! I'm getting whiny.

This was pretty much a rant in it’s entirety. I know my sentences were awful, but it IS 2:31 in the morning now.

Ok, sleep now. Maybe…hehehe.

 

 

Much love from a sleepy TJayne who will embody Audrey in Breakfast at Tiffany's tomorrow afternoon, as she will still be in bed (and then get ready for a fabulous evening of wings!).

 

Ps. Shoutout to my sorority ladies - we need a date.

 

 

I'm Tired & Wide Awake

It's 1:30, I'm in bed, I don't want to sleep. I'm emotionally doing really good with this whole deployment thing, but I have picked up some very odd behaviours...
 - My night-owlness has hit me with a vengeance.
 - I am either too active in scheduling my time with people or I sit at home and sit with my laptop & TV.
 - Today I played a total of 5.5 hours of Fable II - an x-box 360 game I'm in love with.
 - I have severly good intentions to do things like scrapbook & work out but by the end of the day I have failed miserably.
It is now 2:30 am and I need sleep. a few keys were not working on my keyboard and I quite literally just sat here for 35 minutes fixing them - another (stupid) odd behaviour. I think haf my common sense left with Mr. M.
I need sleep - fun things happening tomorrow...
He he he.
Night.
Ps. Bought New Moon Soundtrack! Eeeeeeeee, I'm in Love.

Turkey, Talking & Tans

Thanksgiving weekend went by quite smoothly. Mr. M and I visited with my family and moved me into another room in another home with another wife. It's a bigger room than the last one, and she has every room in this house decorated amazingly, including this one.

Last night Mr. M I were both feeling the exact same way at the same time. This hasn't happened in a long time because of the deployment. It was the "I want everyone to just go away so we can both hold on to each other and just be." I'm so anxious. Our talks together consist mainly of when he comes back, since if we talked about what is happening tomorrow I would just never stop crying. I'm trying my best to be strong for him but lately we could be talking about what we are going to have for dinner and I'll start crying. Just for a couple minutes, then I'm fine.

He went to work this morning in his tans, which made me feel sickish and unable to sleep. I'll be ok, after the next two days are over. This is the hardest part.

Work now.

T Jayne

4 Days

So, I'm still in a somewhat of a denial towards the impending doom of deployment. I know it's coming, just not in the amount of days the title of this post indicates. I have so much to do before then. Sigh. Here is a list, just because I like lists:

-Pack

-Visit Family

-Time with him

I realize there are only three things, however, they are big important things. So there.

In regards to the impending doom - went out last night as a sendoff thing for the boys. Wasn't terrible actually, but that was mostly because I barely drank, while my significant other was somewhat of a lush and was tanked faster than you can say "pre-deployment anxiety". The toilet was indeed his friend by the end of the night, but no fights occurred - other than me getting slightly annoyed at the continuous drinking when I had asked him to slow it down, no harm done, though.

Blog Interrupted By:

MILITARY GIRLFRIEND RANT

I HATE MRS. ANNOYED AT DEPLOYMENT

Sometimes, I wish as a girl, we didn't experience so many odd, ridiculous, unusable feelings. They are just there and they interrupt everyday life with no regard for manners. For instance - Girlfriend says: "Talk to me, babe." Boyfriend says: "What about?" Then the crazy feelings leaps out of nowhere and say: "I don't know, just anything, you always just want to talk about movies to download to watch while you are overseas, you don't even talk to me anymore. I just want to talk, you are leaving soon and we just never talk anymore." Then you have Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment just blatantly sitting on your lap on display for the whole world to see, including poor clueless boyfriend. So, then you have to take a minute to push Mrs. Confusing Sentences, Mrs. Cranky and Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment onto the floor and then apologize to poor clueless boyfriend. All the while trying to ignore Mrs. Annoyed At Mrs. Annoyed At Deployment who is trying to climb into your lap.

THE END.

So, I need to get back to trying to pack and getting ready to go to my friend Trin's birthday dinner at a local pub tonight. Should be fun! She is a very good friend of mine who is a military fiance. Her man is going over with mine, so we are going through this together - you can read her thoughts on life.army.love.

Anyway, back to my life in the real world.

tjayne

5 Days

I can't even ignore the countdown anymore, it's right there, and anyone that knows simple math could figure it out. When I'm not with him I'm fine, but when I am, it takes two seconds for an emotion to turn on and off. It's getting hard to determine which feelings are of normal cause and which are Afghanistan caused.

That's all for now.